This Is 30

10 Things About Adult Life I Still Don’t Understand

I used to think 30 was old. Like, so old.

I thought I would be married, at the top of my career and versed in world events and social niceties.

Unfortunately, I still don’t even feel like a real adult all of the time. It’s more like I’ve gotten really good at playing pretend adult, and they have started letting fetuses graduate from high school (apparently it only seems like they get tinier every year).

However, when I think about the last decade of my life, I realize I really have changed and “grown.”

I no longer think it is a good idea to drink an entire bottle of $6 champagne, date someone who is super fun but may or may not be a drug dealer or say “I am a people person” during a job interview.

I have become less selfish, less fearful and more conscious and deliberate.

But despite all of the knowledge, life experience, and “adultness” I have gained over the last 30 years, there are still some things (of varying importance) I just don’t understand:

1. Tipping.

This is a seemingly simple social rule I always feel like I do incorrectly. Sure, the waitstaff obviously needs to be tipped. But what if I’m getting my order to go?

Do I tip a smaller percent for counter vs. table service? I tip my hairdresser but do I need to tip my laser hair removal technician? (Because I feel really weird tipping someone in scrubs.)

And, why is tipping even a thing? Things were way easier when I lived in Europe and didn’t have to worry about tipping at all.

2. How to do my hair.

I can do two things to my hair: blow-dry it straight, or go to sleep with it wet and let it do whatever the f*ck it wants (this usually results in pretty waves, but if I have angered the hair gods, the waves will only be on one side).

That’s it. I can’t even French braid, and, as stupid as I realize this is, it makes me feel like less of a woman.

I know there are YouTube tutorials and how-tos out there, but I just feel if I didn’t learn this stuff as a teenager, I don’t have enough know-how to start now.

Of course, now that I’m 30, the number of events for which I need to “do” my hair are few and far between. My life is more Netflix than clubs or galas.

3. What to do with my money.

I started looking into this last year, but I only have a vague grasp of things like mutual funds and bonds.

I am not really sure what qualifies as a good investment (though I do know, despite what Carrie Bradshaw may think, shoes do not count).

Basically, I put money into my 401(k), don’t spend it on stupid sh*t and rely heavily on fund ratings represented in graphic form (it’s so much easier to count the number of stars than actually read things).

But, I still essentially feel like I am giving my money to people and trusting them to do good things to it.

4. What I want to be when I grow up.

I remember hearing 40-year-olds say this when I was younger and thinking, “What’s wrong with you that you don’t know by now?”

Turns out, choosing a career is a long and winding path filled with dead ends through which you have to navigate yourself.

Given that my previous job requirements were “Pay me in money,” I have certainly learned many things I do not want to do. But, I also got a late start on figuring out what actually suits me.

Pinpointing and honing the skills I have and discovering different ways to use them can lead me in many different directions.

For example, I have always been a perfectionist, and while this stressed me out when I had to plan events, it worked to my advantage as a copy editor.

Figuring out the right intersection of what you’re good at, what you love to do and what will pay you takes more time for some people.

But, that’s okay as long as you are making the efforts to figure it out.

5. How to plan meals.

It is unfathomable to me you can go to the grocery store once a week and anticipate everything you will want to eat during that time.

This is partially because I am still rebelling against growing up with an unchanging weekly menu, but I can’t stand making commitments to meals without the input of my appetite’s whims.

My lack of planning often results in late-night trips to the store, high grocery bills from when I attempt to plan but change my mind, and seeking refuge in macaroni and cheese far more than I should at this age.

6. The dark side of humanity.

As much as I understand people won’t behave like “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” all the time, I still don’t get it when people are just straight up awful to each other.

Whether it’s via comments, on the Internet, or on the news; I still feel 5-years-old sometimes because I just don’t understand how someone could act so terribly to another human being.

7. All the rules of football.

I am from Maryland, so I have watched my fair share of football over the years, but I’m pretty sure they make some rules up during the game.

Football sometimes makes what is essentially a more elaborate game of keep away way too complicated.

8. “Runner’s high.”

I have definitely learned the importance of regular exercise as my body slowly starts to crumble, but f*ck running.

It does not help me think, I do not zone out and I do not feel better after I run. If I am running to chase a ball (e.g. soccer), it is fine, but not as an activity in itself (yes, I realize this makes me seem very similar to a dog).

Don’t even get me started on marathons. Bravo to those who run them without getting bored, but waking up at the crack of dawn and running for several hours is not for me.

9. The politics and history behind most world events.

Like, I know the Houthis staged a coup and took over Yemen and that ISIS has a stronghold in Syria.

But my understanding of context or why it’s important is largely dependent on the readability of the Wikipedia page.

I don’t want to sound ignorant, and I really do try (“The Edge” from Elite Daily helps).

But, I just don’t have time to learn the entirety of history plus keep up with current events and, you know, live my life and do things I enjoy.

10. Exactly which combinations of alcohol result in a hangover.

Though I sadly have much more experience with this now, I sometimes wake up with a headache after only one or two drinks.

Clearly, more research is still needed.


The Truth About Success


“Without any of that, even the criticism and the disappointment, you won’t have any success. To truly be successful, we need to experience rejection in order to know that failure is an option and know what that growth from this will lead to all we had ever wanted, and then further change/growth….it’s life. We never stay on top.”

My best friend nailed this. I couldn’t have put this any better, if I do say so myself.

Death Trapped

dark_haunted_facebook_cover_by_psychobd-d5h9p21“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”   -Janet Fitch

Loneliness is a very difficult (Unfortunately even fatal to some) condition, and state of mind.
Buttons pushed. Pressure building. Yet, nothing released. It’s held inside.
Now let’s add just a little more pressure; there are those who focus, others fold.
There is always the choice of giving in, or pushing forward into the unknown.
But this is something that everyone, already knows..

I find myself remembering the life of living in a death trap.
The death trap. An institution of such a dark place.
One in which very few would have the balls to survive in.

Alone. Unable to move. Yet, restless. Suffocating.
Bloody tears falling. Vision Cloudy. Eyes burning. Pain.
Standing. Screaming, in the middle of a crowded room, for help. But, no one looks up.
Cries go unnoticed, screams are never heard.
Fading away back into the darkness, into the not-so-silent, night.

There is a strong spirit, of which whom’s only desire, is to be set free.
Unshackled from the, all too familiar, Death Trap.
The one in which I once lived, but it’s back again. It’s Here

Rub the wings of a butterfly, and it will not fly, never again.
Permanently grounded. After so much time spent, emerging from it’s cocoon.
The former life it once knew, grounded inside the body of the caterpillar.
And now, the ground, is now the beautiful creature’s, death trap. It’s forcefully chosen, “home.”

The human condition, similar.
The spirit, stronger.

There are those who believe in spirituality, and those who don’t.. The two, are very different kinds.
Being. There is a spirit (or soul) living within the human mind and body. Or, there is not.

Black or White
With No Grey Area

. .Trust. .
Also, something of two very different kinds.
Trust in one’s word versus trust in one’s actions. ….Which speaks louder.
Can you see through the thin line of the plastic? Between that of which is real, and that of which is fake?

. .Fear. .
It Is Not Real
It is a Mentality. An Emotion. 
This Element Can Be Overcome.

So many mysteries and new places to be discovered.
A life that one could never imagine possible, may be hidden in the darkness.
Memories and thoughts, bouncing around in the mind, as if the spirit has actually left the human body.
Even if for just a few seconds. It is minutes. For the lucky ones.. Instant Bliss.

Find the Light.
The Spirit Will be Set Free.


“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”

Let’s get weird…


The pursuit of normality has unforeseen consequences. Don’t strive to be normal! Strive to be you! The world will have you remain silent, void of creativity, lacking a backbone, and supporting the status quo. The world will ask you to exist but beg you not to live. No! You MUST live! You have crazy aspirations and bizarre ideas and, despite what the world says, you are meant to use them. Use all your gifts and all your unique quirks to add color to this drab canvas. Never strive for normality. Always strive to be you. Let’s get weird…

❤ L

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Instagram: @B.Love.Li

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Twitter: @B_Love_Li


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Elevate Your Life!!


..Spin your wheels if you want to…

Trying to beg mean people to be nice. Lazy people to work hard. Greedy people to be generous.

But the simple truth is, if things are going to change, its up to you, because your actions are all you can control.

Each persons circumstances are different.

Sometimes it is helpful, and even necessary, to call people out on unacceptable behavior.

But don’t get stuck there..

Be conscious of your own actions and how they’ve contributed to your current life.

Be conscious of what actions can help you change your situation.

Stop spinning your wheels!

Remain Conscious!

Take action!

Elevate your life!

insurmountable 2

The world is crazy, but you are a force. You have the ability to move through the chaos and negativity unaffected. Never let a “No” stop you. Tap into what you know to be true by speaking affirmations of power and determination into your life. Then kindly, firmly, and unapologetically pursue your goals, knowing you have within you an insurmountable “YES” !

❤ L

Follow B.Love.Li on:

Instagram: @B.Love.Li

Facebook: B.Love.Li

Twitter: @B_Love_Li


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100 of the Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

Ailurophile A cat-lover.
Assemblage A gathering.
Becoming Attractive.
Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
Brood To think alone.
Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.
Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.
Comely Attractive.
Conflate To blend together.
Cynosure A focal point of admiration.
Dalliance A brief love affair.
Demesne Dominion, territory.
Demure Shy and reserved.
Denouement The resolution of a mystery.
Desuetude Disuse.
Desultory Slow, sluggish.
Diaphanous Filmy.
Dissemble Deceive.
Dulcet Sweet, sugary.
Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.
Effervescent Bubbly.
Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.
Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir A good potion.
Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.
Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient A softener.
Ephemeral Short-lived.
Epiphany A sudden revelation.
Erstwhile At one time, for a time.
Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative Suggestive.
Fetching Pretty.
Felicity Pleasantness.
Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.
Fugacious Fleeting.
Furtive Shifty, sneaky.
Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
Glamour Beauty.
Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk
Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.
Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue To infuse, instill.
Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue A naïve young woman.
Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.
Inure To become jaded.
Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.
Lagniappe A special kind of gift.
Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.
Languor Listlessness, inactivity.
Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
Leisure Free time.
Lilt To move musically or lively.
Lissome Slender and graceful.
Lithe Slender and flexible.
Love Deep affection.
Mellifluous Sweet sounding.
Moiety One of two equal parts.
Mondegreen A slip of the ear.
Murmurous Murmuring.
Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.
Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opulent Lush, luxuriant.
Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea A solution for all problems
Panoply A complete set.
Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.
Penumbra A half-shadow.
Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.
Plethora A large quantity.
Propinquity An inclination.
Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.
Quintessential Most essential.
Ratatouille A spicy French stew.
Ravel To knit or unknit.
Redolent Fragrant.
Riparian By the bank of a stream.
Ripple A very small wave.
Scintilla A spark or very small thing.
Sempiternal Eternal.
Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.
Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.
Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.
Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.
Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.
Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.
Susurrus Whispering, hissing.
Talisman A good luck charm.
Tintinnabulation Tinkling.
Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.
Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.
Vestigial In trace amounts.
Wafture Waving.
Wherewithal The means.
Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

Overcoming the Fear of Death


By: The Spirit Science

The fear of death always comes at or near the top of people’s worst fears. Some psychologists believe that this is such a potent fear, we push it down into the subconscious in order to avoid it. Yet from its hiding place the fear remains active, re-emerging in times like the death of a loved one, making grief even more painful and anxious.

Avoiding the fear of death clearly isn’t the best tactic. One reason that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s famous five stages of dying became so popular is that she gave us a rational framework for handling a once-taboo subject.

Rationality is one of the two ways a person can overcome their own personal fear of death. The starting point for most work on paper by Laurie Liptonrationalists, particularly scientists, is to assume in the absence of data from the afterlife that our consciousness is extinguished at the moment of death.

In a short video on the subject of, “What happens after we die?” physicist Brian Greene takes the position, when you’re gone, you’re gone.

But this isn’t really scientific or very rational. The rational position is that in the absence of evidence on either side of the question, no conclusion can be reached. Greene offers some consolation, however, by referring to Einstein’s famous quote, “The distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”

To a physicist, time is static and eternal, which means that the life each person is living now remains intact inside the framework of spacetime. As consolation goes, this is small potatoes, however, since the illusion of being born, living for an entire lifespan, and then dying is how the everyday world works.

Socrates was condemned to commit suicide by drinking a cup of hemlock and, according to Plato, exhibited remarkable calm at the end, even refusing the escape plan to leave Athens proposed by his distraught friends. He explained his calm in rational terms, saying that if we have taken a step every day towards the destination of death, why should the last step frighten us any more than the previous ones? But this seems like cold comfort, too. If the edge of a cliff is a hundred steps away, the last one will be frightening no matter how calm the earlier 99 steps are.

The rational way to approach the fear of death will never be enough, because of the emotional component. But if you can subdue and dissipate the emotional component, rational arguments do apply. Every culture has reported the kind of near-death experiences that have gained wide media coverage over the last 40 years.

Hundreds of children have been studied carefully who report remembering their past lives, which supports reincarnation. If article-2329253-19F023F5000005DC-450_634x682this evidence is not conclusive. However; it is not nonsense either. Being completely skeptical about the afterlife in the absence of solid evidence isn’t rational, because as I just pointed out, the question is entirely open-ended.

There is no proof of the extinction of consciousness, even though that’s the standard skeptical argument. The notion that the mind dies when the body dies is a strong materialist belief, but there’s no hard evidence to support it.

The second way to overcome the fear of death, if rationality can’t do the job on its own, is psychological. Every night we go to bed and the mind is extinguished for seven or eight hours.

Sleep is a non-experience. We don’t fear this non-experience. It isn’t even classified as the scary unknown, because we’ve all gone through the extinction of consciousness thousands of times. Yes, one might object, but sleep is temporary, and this knowledge reassures us. But does anyone actually refer to this knowledge when they get in bed every night? What seems more likely is something much more basic: Sleep poses no anxiety because it is a psychological area where fear never gained a toehold.

If that’s true, then the key to overcoming the fear of death has nothing to do with convincing yourself that there’s nothing to be afraid of.  Instead, fear of death should be approached as fear, period. The fact that death is the specific object makes no difference. This is more or less the Buddha’s answer. He teaches that a person must solve the entire issue of pain, including fear, not the specific examples of pain. The world’s wisdom traditions seem to agree that fear ends when you locate the place that is without fear, and such a place is inside everyone.

So the goal isn’t to wrestle with the fear of death until you feel calm about it. The goal is to find the place where fear of death is irrelevant. As long as we identify ourselves with the cycle of birth and death, we will be gripped by fear that nothing exists clouds1beyond the grave. For most people, terms like “the cycle of birth and death” sound esoteric and alien. But there’s no need for any terminology or indeed any thinking about death.

The simple fact is that when you get to the place where fear of death doesn’t exist, you notice that you no longer have the fear, just as when you find your car keys, you have no fear that you lost them anymore.

Now that meditation is quite familiar to almost everyone, it should be fairly easy to accept that meditation takes you to the place you want to reach, a deep sense of self that is untouched by fear. The experience is what counts. Along with the absence of fear, meditation sharpens one’s ability to stay in the present moment. This is another great help, because what makes death so frightening is the anticipation of it.

In a short space I can only sketch in the outlines of getting past this deep fear, but at least it’s worthwhile to point people in the right direction. Forget the claims that science or skepticism has proven that death brings total extinction. They haven’t, and besides, whatever the experience of dying will be like, everyone should do their best not to be afraid. A life free of fear is a desirable goal on its own.